Beautiful. Reminds me: What is the meaning of my life? Answer: To who? Who are the people to whom your life has or will have a meaning? The meaning to the postman is different from the meaning of your partner or x-partner, which is different from your clients, students (fi you have) them and from those who might know about your through your works after you die. "What are meanings of my life?" is perhaps a more meaningful question. And perhaps each of those people will resonate with different aspects of your self. Though, what they make of your self is one of many. Peace!
I love that! Yes, we can show up differently in different contexts, and that can happen naturally or in a 'layery' way. So many questions like that need to be filtered through a lens of "in what context?"
This is an extremely difficult subject to write about, and your text slays it. Explicitly stating that there are many natural reactions and choices is revelatory for me. Also, the list of stages slaps. Thank you!
I love the framing of multiple authentic selves. It strikes me as an antidote to rigidity. I’m looking forward to trying this framing in my work.
I still think the IFS model works here. I agree that when a part takes over, all other parts are shutdown and that doesn’t leave one open to other paths. But isn’t remaining open to all paths just a manifestation of a strong Self that’s able to manage all the parts?
Yes, this is the way I see it. Once parts begin to unblend and we have more and more access to self (what Michael is calling conscious naturalness), then we can be what IFS calls Self-led. Self is the leader, listens to each part and makes conscious choices about which parts to act on.
Very interesting read. I am struck though that the advice " Be yourself" is the cause of the issue. It actually leads you down the path that you have an option to be someone else. I think authenticity has more to do with trusting yourself. Trusting your instincts, your way of being in the world. We put on masks because we do not think we are good enough. Society tells us to be authentic, but also tells us to be thin, and beautiful and smart and a million other things. We are forced to transition through the stages and create the different parts of ourselves because we do not trust that we are good enough. I just wish we could focus on Trusting our selves instead of fitting into a mold of what society accepts. Thank you for starting this conversation in the world.
Yes, I agree that we get a bunch of external stuff injected from the outside (friends, family, employers, advertising, social norms, etc). I guess there's a separate thing going on there - it's important to learn the 'rules', let's say of your culture and, if you agree with and feel safe in them, trust that you will behave in accordance with them. And if they don't feel good and safe, and you have to layer, then at the very least do it consciously.*
*Although I can imagine in some contexts, it might actually be better to repress all knowledge of this, e.g. if there's threat or if you just can't change it.
Loved this. Agree on the points/view you take. Would also add that I feel the different authentic selves/parts of self, can be seen as "limbs" (or other physical parts of you). Example: say you're eating a dish, it's more functional to use your hands for that than your feet. Similarly, getting somewhere fast works better on your feet than on all fours. The different mind parts of ourself can be "used" in that way as well. All authentically.
Beautiful. Reminds me: What is the meaning of my life? Answer: To who? Who are the people to whom your life has or will have a meaning? The meaning to the postman is different from the meaning of your partner or x-partner, which is different from your clients, students (fi you have) them and from those who might know about your through your works after you die. "What are meanings of my life?" is perhaps a more meaningful question. And perhaps each of those people will resonate with different aspects of your self. Though, what they make of your self is one of many. Peace!
I love that! Yes, we can show up differently in different contexts, and that can happen naturally or in a 'layery' way. So many questions like that need to be filtered through a lens of "in what context?"
This is an extremely difficult subject to write about, and your text slays it. Explicitly stating that there are many natural reactions and choices is revelatory for me. Also, the list of stages slaps. Thank you!
Thank you!!
I love the framing of multiple authentic selves. It strikes me as an antidote to rigidity. I’m looking forward to trying this framing in my work.
I still think the IFS model works here. I agree that when a part takes over, all other parts are shutdown and that doesn’t leave one open to other paths. But isn’t remaining open to all paths just a manifestation of a strong Self that’s able to manage all the parts?
Yes, this is the way I see it. Once parts begin to unblend and we have more and more access to self (what Michael is calling conscious naturalness), then we can be what IFS calls Self-led. Self is the leader, listens to each part and makes conscious choices about which parts to act on.
I also agree that IFS still holds - another way of saying this is that there are multiple ways for Self to respond and all of them would be authentic.
Very interesting read. I am struck though that the advice " Be yourself" is the cause of the issue. It actually leads you down the path that you have an option to be someone else. I think authenticity has more to do with trusting yourself. Trusting your instincts, your way of being in the world. We put on masks because we do not think we are good enough. Society tells us to be authentic, but also tells us to be thin, and beautiful and smart and a million other things. We are forced to transition through the stages and create the different parts of ourselves because we do not trust that we are good enough. I just wish we could focus on Trusting our selves instead of fitting into a mold of what society accepts. Thank you for starting this conversation in the world.
Yes, I agree that we get a bunch of external stuff injected from the outside (friends, family, employers, advertising, social norms, etc). I guess there's a separate thing going on there - it's important to learn the 'rules', let's say of your culture and, if you agree with and feel safe in them, trust that you will behave in accordance with them. And if they don't feel good and safe, and you have to layer, then at the very least do it consciously.*
*Although I can imagine in some contexts, it might actually be better to repress all knowledge of this, e.g. if there's threat or if you just can't change it.
Loved this. Agree on the points/view you take. Would also add that I feel the different authentic selves/parts of self, can be seen as "limbs" (or other physical parts of you). Example: say you're eating a dish, it's more functional to use your hands for that than your feet. Similarly, getting somewhere fast works better on your feet than on all fours. The different mind parts of ourself can be "used" in that way as well. All authentically.